The Misadventures At Camp Funshine!
by Super Stellar Lunatic
Summary: What happens when Tsunade, fed up with disrespect, sends the genin and senseis to her annoying cousin Hitomi's new summer camp? T just in case. Chapter 3 up! NejiIno or NejiSakura? Vote in the poll!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or a camp called Funshine.

2020: I just had a flash of inspiration to write this.

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_**The Misadventures at Camp Funshine!!!**_

_Chapter 1: Tsunade's Aggrivation_

_Subtitle: The First Day at Funshine_

"SHIZUNE! LET ME IN TO SEE THE HOKAGE!!!"

Upon hearing the familiar, annoying voice, Tsunade banged her head upon her desk.

"Uh... I-I'm sorry, Naruto, the Hokage is... um... busy! Yes, she's out on a mission!"

She banged her head on the desk again. When had Shizune become such a poor liar?

"You don't fool me, Shizune! The Hokage doesn't go on missions! I'll bet she's out gambling again!"

_Insolence!_

Another voice joined the two. "What? Tsunade's out gambling again? Ugh! I've been guarding the door- she must have slipped out another way!"

Whaaat?! Sakura- her own apprentice- thought she would sneak away and was GOING TO STOP HER?!?!?!

Yet another voice joined them. "Well, Naruto, if you ever do become Hokage, try not to become a gambling addict."

Even Kakashi?! _Does no one respect the Hokage?_

"Tenten always says she wants to be like Tsunade- I wonder if she realizes that her hero is a drunken gambler?"

_Insubordination!_ That does it. Tsunade flipped through her papers, wondering what punishment would fit the crime of badmouthing the Hokage. A tapping on her window made her look up. A large, bright orange falcon sat outside, with a scroll tied to his leg. Curious, she stood, opened the window and let the bird in. Written in flowing script on the scroll was her own name. She unfurled it.

_Cousin Tsunade,_

_Hi!! How are you? It's me, Hitomi- your second cousin's half-sister twice removed? We met that once, at the family picnic?_

Tsunade smiled. How could she forget Hitomi? Without her, she would have never survived that family reunion.

_Anyway, I heard a while back that you became Hokage- congrats! I've been meaning to write, but, well, I've just been so busy with the camp and all..._

_Speaking of! You probably havn't heard of my latest escapade- I have recently aqquired a summer campsite. I call it Camp Funshine! It's been keeping me so busy. Last week our last group left, and now I'm the owner of an empty camp. It's very picturesque- we're right next to Lake Happysmile, and across the lake, we have a perfect view of Loveydovey Forest and Mount Pleasant. If being Hokage ever gets too stressful, I still owe you for helping me steal Great Auntie Karazeki's steak- you should come visit!_

_Happiness to you!_

_Hitomi Sakigake_

The letter reeked of Hitomi. Literally- it was coated in her sickly sweet rose perfume. Suddenly, Tsunade was hit by a sudden flash of information. Taking out a pen and a small scroll, she began scribbling furiously. When she was done, she tied the letter to the falcon, and released it out the window. She smiled to herself.

_One Week Later_

"I wonder what Tsuande wants?" Sakura said aloud. She, and the rest of the Konoha genin, along with their senseis, were standing outside the door to the Hokage's office.

"Maybe she's going to name me the next Hokage and wants you all to witness!" Naruto's eyes gleamed.

Kakashi rolled his eye. "Uh, sure, Naruto. Just keep telling yourself that."

Gai looked at his genius pupil who lacked pupils. "Neji! What is happening in there?!"

Neji shrugged. "I don't know. The walls and door must be lined with lead."

"... Summer camp..." Shino muttered.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Tsunade walked out, followed by a short woman with short, spiky blonde-and-pink hair. The short woman wore a pair of dark sunglasses, and a white shirt with an orange sun reading 'Camp Funshine' paired with a pink denim skirt. "Subordinates!" Tsunade barked. "This is my cousin, Hitomi Sakigake. Otherwise known as, the head counseler of Camp Funshine. Which is where you all will be until I think your punishment is over."

"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Everyone's voice echoed around the room at the same time.

"Hi everyone! We're going to have sooooooo much fun together at Camp Funshine!" Hitomi squealed. Her voice was naturally high-pitched, to the point that it was painful to listen to. "We have naps, and apple juice, and all kinds of good stuff!"

"Ahem." Tsunade coughed. "Just so you don't feel as if we're singling you out- the camp is supposed to be closed right now- we've selected six other people about the age of you genin to attend the camp also. The Sand siblings, Sasuke Uchiha, and two girls we found walking outside about five minutes ago, Chitomo Tsubasa and Haipa Okashi."

"Okami! KAMI! KAMI KAMI KAMI! O-K-A-M-I!" A tall girl, with long brown pigtailed hair, jumped out of the Hokage's office. "Like a wolf! HOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!" She had a spastic aura about her, which was enhanced by her wide, mottled eyes and the messy pigtails.

_SMACK!_ Behind her was a shorter girl, with short brown hair. Compared to the other girl, she had an almost Buddhist-like calmness, even when smacking the wild girl upside the head. "Hai! Don't be weird!"

"Owwww... Neechama..."

Following them out was their old aquaintance, Sasuke Uchiha.

"SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

He gimaced. "If I can survive this, nothing my brother can do will hurt me... If I can survive this, nothing my brother can do will hurt me..." Mumbling this mantra over and over, he was oblivious to anything else going on around him.

Next were the Sand siblings, Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara. They silently joined the crowd of Konoha genin.

"Um, Hokage? What are we supposed to do? If all our students are gone..." Kakashi spoke up.

"Hm? Oh yes, that's right. Asuma, Kurenai, Kakashi, Gai. You will all be assitant counselers at Funshine."

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"I think that's about it... I'll give you an hour to pack. Report back here when you're done." With that, Tsunade and Hitomi walked back into the Hokage's office and shut the door.

"Ahaha, holy fudgesnappers, this is gonna be, like, awesome, I just love summer camp! It's like, yeah, and camping out in the cabins and ghost stories and s'mores and stuff!! And with a lake, there's like, swimming and diving and boating and skiing! Ahahaha!"

_SMACK!_ "Stop! Being! Weird!"

The hyper girl rubbed her head. "Ow... Neechama..."

The shorter girl turned to the others. "Um... Hi there... I'm Chitomo Tsubasa, and this is Haipa Okami... But you can call us Chi and Hai."

"That's Chi and Hai! Someone once called us Tweedledum and Tweedleidiot. That's not even close to Chi and Hai! Get it right!"

_Wooow... more like Tweedlespaz..._ Sakura thought.

_One Hour Later_

The group stood outside the gates to the Hidden Leaf Village, waiting for the Camp Funshine bus. Hai, the hyper girl, stood next to a large chest with a pillow and rolled up sleeping bag on it and stuffed-to-capacity backpack, chattering aimlessly to any who would listen. Chi stood next to her, also with a chest, pillow and sleeping bag, smacking her whenever she became too annoying. So basically, she smacked her again and again and again... Gaara stood off to the side, with his brother and sister, who were laughed at the antics of the two comical girls. Sakura, Naruto, and Ino were harassing Sasuke to no end, while he tried to ignore them. Hinata was unsuccessfully trying to get Naruto's attention, while Kiba was unsuccessfully trying to get hers. Shino was watching the drama take place between his teammates and the objects of their affection. Chouji was eating. And still eating. And eating. Shikamaru seemed to be asleep, leaning against a tree. Tenten was counting her kunai and weapons, and Lee was making sure he remembered all his weights. Neji was praying to any higher being that he would somehow get out of this.

A large orange bus pulled up in front of them, the side emblemed with the Camp Funshine logo. The door opened to reveal a woman with short, curly red hair, wearing a Camp Funshine shirt. "Hello everyone! I'm Jama, the Arts and Crafts counseler at Camp Funshine! We're going to have so much fun together!" Like Hitomi's, her voice was at a high frequency painful to the human ear.

Hai jumped with joy. "YAAAAAAAY CAMP!"

Jama smiled even brighter. "You're just the kind of spirit we love at Funshine! Now, I want everyone to put their stuff in the compartment underneath the bus..." She hit a button on the dashboard, and a compartment opened. "Now, put your stuff in. I want our new counselers to sit in the front of the bus, and I want all the new campers to pick someone you don't know to sit with!"

Sasuke expertly stepped to the side as Sakura, Ino, and Naruto ran towards him. He quickly grabbed Chi's arm and dragged her inside.

Hai ran onto the bus. "I CALL BACK SEAT!!"

"Woah there, little eager beaver!" Jama stopped her. "You need to find a partner that you don't know to sit with. That's the Camp Funshine Bus Rule Number Three!" She pointed to a sign near the door.

_CAMP FUNSHINE BUS RULES_

_ hands and feet inside the bus at all times_

_ not throw things out of the bus windows_

_ sit with someone new, or your Bus Buddy_

_ listen to the bus driver_

_ fun!!!_

"Um..."

"Go and find someone new, then come sit. I'll make sure the back seat stays open, new camper!"

Hai brightened. "OK!" Hopping out of the bus, she looked around. "Um... partner... partner..."

By some incredibly strange force of nature, Hinata had managed to get Naruto as a partner. Kiba had ended up with Ino, Sakura with Shikamaru, Neji with Kankuro, Temari and Tenten (this wasn't going to end well), and Lee with Chouji. Hai had two options, Shino or Gaara. She knew neither. "Umm... Eh?!" She was taken by surprise as Gaara quietly walked by her, catching her arm as he passed and pulling her to the back seat she wanted so much.

Jama frowned. "Well, this won't do! No one is left out at Camp Funshine!" Just then, Hitomi came running to the bus.

"Jama! Jama! Tsunade just realized that she sent an odd number with you. She says to send the odd one out back to her office. She'll need an assistant while Sakura is gone."

Jama clapped her hands. "Well! Splendid! Run along now, little one!" she told Shino. Shrugging, the boy in the white overcoat walked back into the village.

Neji ran off the bus, yelling, "NO! NO! I'LL GO INSTEAD! I'LL GO!!!!!!!!" Hitomi reached out expertly and stopped him.

"Oh, no, can't have that! Back on the bus, new camper!"

Finally, the bus pulled out, en route to Camp Funshine.

Chi turned around in her seat to look at her friend. "Well, Hai, what a day this turned out to be. We woke up thinking it would be a normal day, and now we're getting a free stay at summer camp."

"Normal day? I never thought it would be a normal day. It's never a normal day when you're around, you crazy."

Chi's mouth popped open. "Did you just call me crazy? You? The one who claims psychosis on a daily basis?"

Hai shrugged. "Who would know craziness better than a crazy person?" She turned to stare out the window.

They hit a bump, and Chi, who had been facing backwards, fell between the seats. Stuck. "Ow!... Hey... um... Hai! YOUR FAULT!"

A voice called from over the seat. "Not my fault."

"Do you need help?" Chi looked over into the dark eyes of her 'bus buddy'. He was looking at her, well... like she was a complete idiot.

"Um, that would be nice..." In one quick motion, he pulled her out and turned her around so that she was facing forwards. "Thanks..."

"Don't do it again."

In the seat opposite them, Tenten and Temari were fighting about something completely arbitrary.

"Edward."

"Jacob."

"Edward!"

"Jacob!"

"EDWARD!"

"JACOB!"

"What are you two fighting over?" Lee leaned on the top of the seat from the one behind.

"It's nothing, Lee," Tenten sighed. "Just a book."

"Proving how little you know!" Temari laughed triumphantly. "Don't listen to her, Superbrows. It's not just a book. It's only the greatest book in the world!"

"Don't call him superbrows!" Tenten said sharply.

"I will if I want, vampire slave!"

"Werewolf bitch!"

Lee frowned. "Would this be a bad time to ask for more information reguarding this book?"

Tenten turned away from her argument, giving Lee a strained smile. "No, Lee, go ahead."

"What is the title of this book? And who are Edward and Jacob? Are they characters from the book? And why are you arguing over vampires and werewolves? Is it a vampire and werewolf book?"

While Tenten explained the world of Stephanie Mayer to Lee, with occasional commentary by Temari, Neji was trying to switch partners- his was very creepy, playing with his dolls. Looking across the aisle, he saw Naruto and Hinata. He didn't wish to sit with either ot them. Behind them were Sakura and Shikamaru.

"Psst... Sakura..." he whispered. The pink-haired girl turned to him. "Sakura, please, trade seats with me."

She wrinkled her nose. "No way, Neji. That guy is way creepy. I hear he's always trying to feel up any girl he sits near."

"How about if I owe you forever?"

"How about no?"

The sporadic conversations and arguments continued all through the trip to Funshine. Finally, they arrived.

When they got off the bus, their belongings had already been thrown into a pile by Hitomi, who had gotten off before Jama had let anyone else off. Standing on the porch of a cabin in front of them, she smiled and spread her arms wide after everyone had disembarked. "Eveyone, welcome to Camp Funshine, the happiest, nicest camp in the Land of Fire! We have several cabins, but we will only be using two. One for girls-" she gestured to a building to the right. "- and one for the boys." She pointed to the one on the left.

Kiba raised his hand halfheartedly. "Um, shouldn't they be, you know... farther apart?"

Hitomi blinked. "Farther apart? Why?"

He shook his head. "Oh, never mind." _Hey, this might be fun after all..._

"Anyway!" Hitomi continued brightly, "This building here is the main office- I'm in here most of the time. The building behind this is the mess hall. You'll eat all you meals there." She thought for a minute. "Um... I beleive that's all! You'll find some maps and a schedule of what activities are happening when in your cabins. Dismissed!"

"Alright, campers!" Jama said. "Get your stuff and get settled into your cabins!"

Silently, for once, the group picked up their paraphernalia and walked to their respective cabins. Inside each cabin were seven bunk beds, each with a set of drawers at the foot. A small door led to a set of bathroom stalls. The showers were in a communal washroom down a narrow dirt path leading from each of the cabins.

"WINDOW BED, CALLED IT!!" Hai slung her stuff on a top bunk near a window. "Neechama, Neechama!"

"I'm coming, spaz case." Chi spead her sleeping bag out on the bunk beneath Hai's. "I'll keep my stuff in the bottom two drawers, and you keep yours in the top," she said, gesturing at the set of drawers.

"I don't care where I sleep," Tenten said loudly, "as long as it's not near the Sand idiot."

"At least I don't have loose metal for a brain!" Temari snapped, taking the bottom bunk of one of the bed closest to the door. Tenten scowled as she placed her stuff on the top bunk farthest away from Temari's- which was just across the room from Chi and Hai's.

"Hi, brown-hair-in-buns girl!" Hai smiled as she waved crazily. "Hi, white-eyes girl!"

"Um, Tenten? Could I sleep in the bunk below yours please? I don't want to sleep in a bunk alone, and the other girls scare me..."

"Sure, Hinata, go ahead."

Ino settled down on the bottom bunk of the bunk beds across the room from Temari. "Temari," she said, "please teach me how to torment brothers."

"You don't have brothers, stupid pig!" Sakura called from the top of the bunk in-between Ino and Tenten.

"Two words, billboard brow: Chouji and Shikamaru."

Temari laughed. "Oh, I have some of the best pranks. They'll never see it coming."

"LEMON lemonlemonlemonlemon LIME peach pear apple pear orangey orangey kumquat!" Everyone turned to stare at their newest pigtailed companion.

"Um... do I even want to know?" Sakura asked. Chi shook her head. Hai continued singing the names of fruits until she was nearly decapitated by a flying kunai.

"Shut UP!" Tenten yelled.

"The new girls scare me too..." Hinata whispered, shaking.

"Hey, can I see the schedule?" Chi called. Temari opened up a box near the door, which contained seven Camp Funshine shirts, schedules, and maps.

"Catch," she said, hurling one of everything at Chi, who caught it all with some difficulty. Everyone gathered around to see the schedule.

_Camp Funshine Special Session Days One and Two Activities Schedule_

_Day One!_

_Arrival at ???????_

_Relax, set up cabins. Explore the campground until dinner._

_Dinner at 6:30 pm._

_Free Time until lights-out._

_Lights out at 10:00 pm._

_All campers must be asleep or silent by midnight._

_Day Two!_

_6:00-6:45 am- Breakfast_

_7:00-8:00 am- Arts and Crafts_

_7:00-9:00 am- Archery_

_8:00-9:00 am- Xtreme Sports Games (Soccer)_

_9:30-11:00 am- Swim test_

_11:00 am-12:00 pm- Free Time_

_12:00-1:00 pm- Lunch_

_1:30-3:00 pm- Cooking_

_1:30-2:30 pm- Tower of Fear and Ropes Course_

_2:00-4:00 pm- Nature Hike_

_3:00-6:30 pm- Swimming_

_6:30-7:30 pm- Dinner_

_7:30-10:00 pm- Free Time_

_10:00 pm- Lights Out_

_All campers must be asleep or silent by midnight._

_*If you do not have an activity you want to participate in, or have 30 minutes or so in-between activities, you may have Free Time._

_Campers MUST participate in at least two activities per day._

_Questions, Comments, or Concers: See Hitomi in Main Office or one of the counselers._

"So if there's two activities we want to do," Ino sid slowly, "I guess we have to pick, huh?"

"Looks like." Temari muttered.

_Lee will probably do the Xtreme Sports Games,_ Tenten thought. She shook her head. _Hey! Since when do I care what Lee does?_

"Cooking, chiyah!" Hai pumped her fist in the air.

"Cooking sounds fun!" Sakura said happily, only to frown when Chi shook her head.

"Look at the times." Cooking was in the middle of the afternoon. "It will be hot, probably in an enclosed space. With an oven going. Probably not the best idea, spazazoid," she called up to Hai. Happily singing the fruit song again, the hyperactive girl did not respond.

Temari looked at her watch. "It's about four now. That means we have about two hours to explore the campground."

"Well, there's a map for each of us." Chi distributed the maps among the girls.

"I'm thinking, Achery, Swim Test, Cooking, and then Swimming," Hai said. "For my activities tomorrow."

"Maybe I'll do the Tower of Fear in the afternoon," Tenten muttered. "That or the Nature Hike. Depends on who's doing what."

This made Temari look at her, grinning evily. "I think... Tenten's got a crush on someone! And she's trying to pick the activities he'd pick!" The sputtering protests from the enraged girl only strengthened Temari's argument. "Aww, do you dream of him at night, Tenten? Do you looooove him? Hahahahahahahaha!" She neatly ducked to the side as a volley of kunai, shuriken, and other deadly metal objects sailed past her head and buried themselves in the wall behind her.

"Um... it's OK... I can sleep by myself, I don't mind..." Hinata said, moving her stuff to the bottom of the bunk in the very back of the room.

Temari continued to torture Tenten. Seeing a friend in need, Hai recalled their earlier disagreement. Perfect. Hanging upside-down from her bed, she cheerily called out, "Is he as awesome as Edward, Tenten? Because Edward is the bomb. Period."

Temari's eyes narrowed. "Edward is nothing compared to Jacob!"

Ino stepped up next to her. "That's right! Team Jacob all the way!"

'Team Edward', consisting of Tenten and Hai, and 'Team Jacob', consisting of Temari and Ino, exchanged verbal blows and slams to the other team's hero.

"Bella ends up with Edward anyway!"

"Yeah, but he leaves her to go crazy!"

"In the beginning. Then he comes back and never leaves her side!"

"They were so meant to be!"

"But Jacob never stops loving her! That's devotion!"

"Darn straight!"

That being the wrong thing to say around Chi. "I started my own team," she said hopefully. "Anyone want to join?"

"What is it?" Sakura asked from the safety of her own bunk.

"Team Edward-and-Jacob-realize-they-are-madly-in-love-with-each-other-and-elope-without-Bella."

"Uhhh..." All the girls collectively sweatdropped. Hai pulled herself upright on her bed.

"Neechama is a yaoi fan," she explained.

"Oh."

Out of things to talk about, they were silent for a minute. Which was longer than Hai could bear. "ALRIGHT!" She yelled, jumping down from her bed. "I'm pulling out the Topic Hat!" Rummaging around in her backpack, she explained, "Everyone writes down a topic to talk about or something on a piece of paper, put it in the Topic Hat, and I pull one out. That is what we talk about." After everyone had written something down and put it in the hat, hat shook it up and pulled out a piece of paper. "Truth or Dare," she said. "Awesome! Neechama goes first."

"Fine... Hai, truth or dare."

"Truth!"

"Who do you have a crush on, out of all the guys that came to camp." She said it in a bored tone, as if she knew already.

Hai's smile dropped. "I switch. I switch. I pull a Becky."

"A becky?" Ino asked.

Chi nodded. "A Becky is, basically, a switch. However, after you pull a Becky, you have to answer the question or take the dare. One Becky per turn."

"And if we don't choose to answer or take the dare?" Tenten asked.

Chi thought a moment. "I dunno... Hai? Ideas for punishment of refusal?"

Her smile was back. "We'll strip you down to your underwear and bra and tie you to the flagpole!"

"And don't think she can't. I've seen her bench more than a hundred and beat up star football players," Chi warned. "Anyway. Where were we? Oh, right, Becky. Hai, I dare you to... jump off the roof."

"Right-o!" She ran outside and scrabled onto the roof, then jumped off. "Tah-daaaaah!" She walked back inside. "Um... Temari! Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to admit that Edward pwns Jacob."

Temari tried to repeat the phrase, but all she managed was a choking sound. Finally, she gave up. "Becky."

"Um..." Hai thought for a minute. "Oh! Which of your brothers is your favorite and why?"

The older girl thought about it. "Um... neither, really... Kankuro's creepy and Gaara's scary. I guess Gaara, because he's quiet and stays out of the way." Hai nodded, satisfied. An evil grin light upon Temari's face. "Tenten... truth or dare?"

Tenten gulped. "D-dare..."

Temari frowned, then smiled again. "Alright... I dare you to tell us who you like!"

A knock on the door interrupted. Tenten almost fainted with relief. Ino opened the door to reveal the guys.

"What are you all doing here?" Sakura asked, surprised.

Kiba, the unofficial spokesman for the guys, shrugged. "Nothing really. We just didn't have anything better to do, so we came to see what you were doing."

Temari answered. "We were playing tru-"

"About to go exploring!" Tenten interjected. No way did she want the guys to witness whatever insanity the others would force her to say or do.

"Cool. We can all go."

"Noooo!" Hai called. "I wanna stay here!"

Chi pulled her pigtail, which was hanging over the edge of the bed. "Come on, skipsospaz. Excercise will do you good."

"Oww! Fine, I'm coming..." She leaped off the bed and landed with catlike grace, only to fall over absolutely nothing as she stepped forward. Standing amid the laughter, she forced a smile. "Ah ha... yeah, I meant to do that..."

"Come! Let us explore the camp of Funshine!" Lee yelled, eager to look around.

"Shut up!" Neji screamed. He had been listening to Lee talk nonstop since they arrived.

The rest dissolved into conversations as they progressed throught the campsite.

"Neechama, can I have a piggyback ride?"

"No."

"Edward!"

"Jacob!"

"Nooooooooooodles!"

"Hai, if you cannot say something related to the topic at hand, don't say anything at all!"

"So, big sister, which girls would most likely be won over by my charm, intellect, and great personality?"

"None of them, you doll-loving freak. And you have none of those things!"

"Dance, dance, dance, cooking dance...!"

"I mean it, Hai!"

"So I hear you and four-leaved over there are into werewolves. You know, I'm a dog man myself."

"So I see. You carry that little puppy everywhere."

"I'm a wolf too! HOOOWWWWLLLLLL!!!!!!"

"Hai...! Oh, wait, that kind of is related to the conversation. Carry on."

"Has this campsite been enjoyable for you so far, Tenten? I am enjoying this youthful experience very much!"

"Uh, yeah, it's been great."

"The window! The window! She threw it out the window! Mary had a little lamb and threw it out the window!"

"HAI!!!"

"ZZZZZZZZ......."

"Munch, munch, munch..."

"Bark!"

"OWW! Neechama, that organ is essential to daily life!"

"I don't care! You should have been quiet!"

The chaos slowly came to a halt as the group stopped in front of a beautiful lake.

"Woooow," Hai breathed, for once at a loss of words.

"I think that's Lake Happysmile," Hinata said quietly. "And the wooded area beyond is Loveydovey Forest, and that mountain on the horizon is Mount Pleasant." For the longest time, all they could do was stare at the scenery. Soon, though, it was time to eat.

Everyone sat outside, in the cool evening air. The meal was either hamburgers or salad. Hai happily shoved her second buger in her mouth as Chi daintily took a bite of her salad.

"So you two are best friends?" Kankuro asked Hai, who blissfully nodded.

"And you're a vegetarian, and she's one of those people who could eat nothing but meat for the rest of their lives?" Chouji asked Chi, who also nodded.

"M-mmm ma mmffitrr'n, ifffa pheefonaaa ffhisssh."

"Hai! Don't talk with your mouth full!"

The taller girl took a giant gulp. "I said, I'm a meatatarian. It's a personal choice. You know, a meatatarian? I only eat meat?" She explained as she stole a baby carrot from Chi's salad.

"Hey, Cadette Oxymoron. Carrot's not meat." Chi growled.

"Umm... I'm an omnivoritarian," Hai ammended.

Chi rolled her eyes. "That means you eat omnivores."

"I'M A HUMANITARIAN!"_ WHACK!_ "Oww..."

"Don't be stupid," Chi said stiffly.

"Anyway!" Hai said brightly, ignoring her friend. "You're all ninja? All of you?" The rest of the group nodded collectively. "That's way cool! I tried to be a ninja once..." she trailed off.

"What happened?" Sakura asked, curious.

Hai hid her face in her hands as Chi laughed. "Oh, it was... wow. She almost took the instructor's head off with a bo staff. And then she somehow pinned herself to a tree with her own kunai. And for no reason at all, she ended up on the roof, fell off, and broke her ankle, dislocated her shoulder, and cracked her skull. All in the same... hour, was it? Yeah, her first and last hour as a ninja. It made the most epic story- perhaps you've heard of it? 'The Girl Who Couldn't Be A Ninja'?"

"I love that book!" Naruto yelled. "I always thought that one day, the girl became the best ninja ever! That would make a great sequel!"

Chi laughed harder as Hai sank further into her own arms. "That's great, however, the story is based off of true events."

Everyone was silent for a few seconds. "Hey... that... does that mean...?" Hinata couldn't quite phrase her question, but Chi knew what she wanted to say.

"Yep- I wrote it! Oni-nee is my pen name."

"B-b-but... If you're Oni-nee..."

"She writes a bunch," Hai called. "I write too, but it's hard to finish stories when you have the attention span of a- OH! BUTTERFLY!"

"AHH! I KNOW A FAMOUS PERSON!" Ino screamed.

"AH! You wrote my all-time favorite book, _The Ignominy of Alice Mimir_!" Temari said excitedly. "I brought it with me! Will... will you sign it?"

"Sure," Chi said brightly.

The spontaneous conversations carried on until dinner was finished.

"I want to go back to the cabin," Hai yawned.

"First, we should work out the showering schedule," Sakura said. "Since we're all sharing one shower building."

"And what is the deal with that?!" Hai fumed. "I mean, why is there only one firebirding showerhouse?"

Kiba shrugged. "To complete this hell on earth?"

"ANYWAY!" Sakura said loudly. "How are we going to work this?"

"We could all shower together..." Kankuro chuckled.

"TWIN DRAGONS PUNCH!" He was punched with such a force that her flew backwards untill stopped (hard) by a tree. Chi and Hai stood in matching martial arts stances, fists outstretched.

"We are... the anti-pervert duo! Protectors against perverts everywhere!" Hai called.

"People, can we just figure out the ^^%%^$^ schedule so we can all leave?!"

Chi coughed. "Sorry, Sakura."

After much delibiration and off-topicness, and several angry outbursts from Sakura, it was agreed that for those who showered at night, the boys would go first, and in the mornings, the girls would go first. Hai was the only girl who showered at night, so after the boys were finished, she could stay in the shower as long as she desired. Most people took morning showers, but there were a few who showered at night. Glad that this agreement had been reached, everyone seperated and left to their own cabins.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Hai had zipped herself up into her sleeping bag upon returning to the cabin.

"Poke Hai with a burning stick," Chi muttered.

"You know, Tenten," Temari said evily, "we never did finish that game of Truth or Dare... Tenten?" The brown-haired girl had vanished.

"Um... I havn't seen her since dinner." Ino said.

Hai shrugged from the inside of her sleeping bag. "Maybe she got tired of you losers and ran away." _Tug._ "Ow..."

"Hai, apologize to the losers. I mean people."

"I'm sorry that you're all losers... I mean, I'm sorry I called you all losers."

From the safety of the outside of the cabin, Tenten listened to the confusion caused by her 'disappearence'. When she was sure that no one was looking, she darted across the path to the lake. When she got there, she wandered a little bit into the woods, still staying by the shore, and sat down, watching the moon rise above Mount Pleasant. Maybe it wasn't so bad here. Except for the part about being stuck in a room with Temari and Ino and their silly Truth or Dare.

The sound of footsteps and her name being called interrupted her musings. She jumped into a tree to hide. _It looks like they've got a search party for me... too bad I don't want to be found..._

"Tenten!"

She nearly fell out of the tree at the sound of Lee's voice right next to her. He reached out and caught her before she could. "Tenten, I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you..."

Tenten whirled to face him, careful of her balance. "Lee! What are you doing here?"

He teammate shrugged. "Looking for you."

"And why are you looking for me?! Maybe I don't want to be found!"

"No one had seen you for a while. We were worried."

She paused for a minute. "Well, how did you find me here? I was hidden so well."

The reply was a strange one. "I could smell you." Tenten blinked, and Lee looked slightly embarassed as he realize what he just said. "No, no, that is not what I meant to say... I mean, it is, but not how I planned to say it... what I meant was, the scent of _metal_. I smelled metal, and I thought it must be you, since you always smell of metal."

_Say something, idiot._ "Um... I smell of metal?" _NOT that! Thank him, stupid, even if you didn't want to be found!_

He looked away at the lake. "Yes, it is probably from all the metal weapons you carry around. But not just metal- there is the scent of paper and ink as well, from the scrolls you carry for summoning, most likely."

Tenten followed his gaze towards the moonrise. "It's pretty, isn't it?"

Lee began having a slight panic attack for some reason. "P-pretty? Did I say that? I never... I didn't mean it like-"

"Lee, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but you did not say pretty- I did, while I was talking about the moon."

"Oh."

There was a long silence. "So what were you talking about?"

"What?"

"When you didn't mean it like something, the word pretty."

"N-nothing."

"Lee, you are a very poor liar. Do not disrespect me by lying to me."

Lee sighed and continued to watch the moon. "Tenten, I do not meant to disrespect you, it's just that..."

"Just that...?"

"I do not know how to say it. Can we just watch the moon and forget this entire conversation?"

_Yeah, why not. It's not like this conversation made any sense anyway._ "Sure."

They were silent for a long time, sitting together on the tree branch and watching the moon ascend into the starry night sky.

"I wonder what it is like up there..." Lee muttered.

"What is what like?" Tenten asked. She hadn't been paying attention, but in the quiet of the night, she could clearly hear Lee's softly spoken question.

"Heaven. I wonder what it is like."

"Ummm..." She thought for a minute. "Well, in Heaven, you'll be measured by how much you do. How you're born won't matter, or what talents you have. You'll be able to pursue your dreams without the limitations of a cumbersome physical body, and be respected for what you can do, no matter what your background and history. Essentially, it's everything anyone could wish for." There was another long silence. "But don't try to get there yet. I... I still want you here for a while yet."

"Tenten... thank you." Smiling, Lee wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder.

Tenten smiled and leaned into him. Yes, maybe this camp wasn't so bad after all.

Later that night, back in the girls' cabin, the girls were winding down from their first day at Camp Funshine. Temari, Sakura, and Ino were playing SlapJack in the middle of the floor, Chi and Hinata were deep in a discussion about Broadway, and Hai (who had just finished her shower) was in her bunk recording in her journal. They all stopped and looked up as the door opened slowly.

"Hi, guys..." Tenten said quietly, slipping through the open door.

"Tenten!" Sakura jumped up. "Where were you?!"

"We looked everywhere for you," Ino added, "but eventually we gave up."

Tenten shrugged. "I... didn't want to be found."

"Oh... alright." Sakura looked towards where she, Ino, and Temari were playing their card game. "Wanna play SlapJack with us?"

"No, I'm fine..."

"So where were you?" Temari asked.

"N-nowhere."

"What rhymes with orange?" Hai called from her bunk.

"Nothing!" Ino called back.

"Oh. What about antidisestablishmentarianism?"

"Whaaaaat?!"

"Never mind..."

"So, guys," Chi said, "you think we'll have a good time here at Funshine?" She looked to Hinata, who looked to Hai, who looked to Tenten, who looked to Sakura, who looked to Ino, who looked to Temari, who looked back to Chi.

"I think so."

"It'll be great!"

"... Today was pretty good."

"Totally!"

"The best!"

"Can't wait for tomorrow!"

Chi smiled. "Yeah. That's what I thought too."

-----------------------------------------------

2020: Yay! It took me, like, 2 or 3 weeks to write this, but I finished the first chapter! I like how I ended it on a sweet Leeten note.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Leeten would totally be canon by now.

2020: Here I go... I'm forcing my creativness into action here. By sheer force of will.

_------------------------------------------------_

_**The Misadventures at Camp Funshine!!!**_

_Chapter 2: Rising and Shining_

_Subtitle: none_

In the morning of the second day at Funshine, Tenten awoke to a sharp pain in her arm.

"Wake up, Tenten!" Ino was calling her as she gently punched her arm.

"Ino...? The hell...?"

"Come on, Tenten, we've gotta go shower now."

Tenten rolled over to face the blonde girl. "Ino..." she muttered groggily, "what time is it?"

"It's, like, five. We have to finish in thirty minutes so the guys can shower before breakfast." Tenten looked around to see that Hinata, Sakura, Temari, and Chi were also getting their bathing equipment together. The only one still asleep was Hai, who had showered last night. "Come on, we've only got half an hour..." After much poking, proding, and punching by Ino, Tenten was awake and, along with the others, on her way to the shower house.

"Why did we agree to be the first ones showered in the morning?" Sakura muttered.

"WE didn't agree squat, Sakura, you're the one who made the deal for all of us." Temari's eyes were half-shut as she tripped along every root, stone, branch, and bump in the path to the showers. Only Hinata and Chi seemed to be at least semifunctonal in the early morning hour, talking about the play _The Mousetrap_. Upon arrival to the shower building, they discovered that there were exactly six showers, one for each of them. In the next ten to fifteen minutes, they had completed their washings.

"I'm going back to the cabin and going back to sleep..." Ino sighed. "I think, as strange as it sounds, Hai might be the smartest one out of all of us. At least she gets to sleep an hour longer than we do."

"Hai will do anything for her sleep," Chi told them. "Her average is eleven and a half hours. Per night."

"I think Gaara's sleeping average is about eleven and a half, too. Except, you know, per month." Temari muttered.

Chi shook her head. "Hai couldn't survive on that little sleep."

"I think Hai and Gaara are pretty much the most polar opposite as you could get..." Temari was silent for a minute. "Hey, want to try to hook them up?"

"Eh?" Chi looked up, uttering Hai's common phrase of confusion.

Temari was smiling now. "Want to try to get Gaara and Hai together, as in, boyfriend/girlfriend? It would be fun..."

If there were two things Chi loved, it was Broadway plays, and playing with Hai's life. "It'd be a challenge," she warned her. "Hai doesn't beleive in relationships anymore."

"All the more fun for us to have," Temari clapped her hands. "Anyone else want in?"

Ino and Sakura looked at each other. "Why not," Sakura answered for the both of them.

"I don't think it's a nice idea to mess up someone else's life..." Hinata said quietly. This made everyone stop and think for a minute as they listened to their consciences. Then laughed at the consciences.

"It'll be a good experience for you, Hinata," Temari said as she threw an arm around the younger girl's shoulder.

"What about you, Tenten?... Tenten?" Chi waved a hand in front of the spaced-out girl's face.

"Wha'-? Oh, s-sorry, what were we talking about?" she asked apologetically.

"We're going to be matchmakers!" Temari told her excitedly.

"Wha-whaaat?!" _Oh no! Did they find out about last night?! How?! Alright, Tenten, calm down..._

"We're going to get Hai and Gaara together," she finished explaining.

"Uh..." _At least it's not me..._ "Might I ask why?"

Chi answered, shrugging. "Because it will be fun and challenging? I dunno."

"Yeah, sure, why not."

"Alright!" Chi smiled. "And this will be... operation Desert Dingo?"

"Where did dingo come from?" Ino asked.

"Hai's last name means wolf, and a dingo is an Australian wolf. Of sorts."

"I don't like that," Sakura said. "Think of another name."

"Umm, let's see..." Chi thought for a minute. "SandWolf, Desert Sun Dog, Sahara Wolf, Arab Dune Wolf?"

"None of those names are cool!" Ino sighed. "Untill we think of a name, let's just call it the Operation."

Everyone congratulated Ino on the first smart thing she ever said, just as they arrived back at the cabin. Opening the door revealed to them that Hai was still asleep, and according to Chi, would remain so untill wakened by brute force. Or a sudden and spontaneous thrust out of her REM sleep, caused by some incredibly strange dream. Whichever came first.

"Seagulls flock to the Earth in anvil-shaped balloons from the planet of Nigh, home of the knights who say 'ni' and the land of Irish dancing potatoes, where orange is actually purple and oranges as fruits are colored blue and are not, in fact, orange, and a place in which clowns go bad where grass is silver and touches the sky crossing bridges to the abyss of whale blubber in the southern Aurora Borealis and the flying squirrels, oh, hail the flying squirrels who are the redemption that the planet has been seeking for so long, searching during centuries and eons of waiting through the dark days of the dinosaurs and Mount Vesuvius who have terrorized the old emus, which evolved from the lesser being called emos, oh, finding emo. finding emo, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, because they hath been decreed friends not food in a web of lies spun by the spider of aboslutely nothing, living off the power of antimatter and dead seabiscuits- NO, DON'T LEAVE! I LOVE YOOOOUUUUU........" Hai shot up in her bed, panting. Apparantly it was the second option.

"I don't want to know..." Tenten muttered.

"I don't know what's more impressive, how off-the-wall her dreams are or that she said that all in one breath," Temari said admiringly. "Hey, Hai, who's leaving? Who do you love?"

"Eh?" The recently-woken girl stared quizzically at her. "What are you talking about? Who are you? Where am I? What time is it?"

"Hai- Hai, look at me..." she turned to Chi. "You remember me, I'm sure. Temari Sakura Ino Tenten Hinata. We're at Camp Funshine and it's like quarter to six, am."

A light seemed to go off above Hai's head. "That's right!"

"So, now that that's out of the way, tell us about your dream, Hai," Temari said as she pulled herself up to sit down on Hai's bunk. Chi joined the two up top, Ino and Sakura sat on the bottom, Hinata pulled herself to the top of her bunk (which was right next to Chi and Hai's bunk), and Tenten just stood there. "Who were you talking to at the end? The one you love? Were you talking to the, um, Spider of Absolutely Nothing?"

"Who told you about Sally?!" Hai yelled. "She is my pet spider that eats antimatter!"

_WHACK!_ "Hai, you don't have a spider. In fact you are deathly afraid of spiders. Along with all insects, bugs, arachnids, worms, and most marine invertebretes."

"Oh, that's right, thanks for reminding me, Neechama."

"HAI! WHO DO YOU LOVE?!?!" Temari almost throttled the hyper girl.

"Um..." Hai looked as if she was concentrating very hard, then looked at Temari and smiled. "Gee, I forgot!"

Temari's attempt to kill her was interrupted by a knock on the door and Naruto's voice calling, "Come on! Let's go get breakfast!"

Outside awaiting the girls were all the guys, who had come to 'escort' them to the mess hall. A thoughtful gesture they had been forced into doing by Lee, trying to revive chivalry from its grave. Soon they were all on their way to breakfast.

"It's... AMAZING!" Hai yelled. Inside the mess hall was a buffet full of fruits, breads, meats, and other assorted breakfast items. "HAI WANTS!" After piling her plate high, she sat down at an empty table, followed by Chi and Hinata.

"Hai, that's a lot of food..." Hinata said as she stared at the large mound of food on Hai's plate.

"Certaintly is!"

As the others sat down at the other empty tables, they couldn't help but marvel at the ungodly amount of food Hai had collected for herself and the ungodly speed at which she ate it. Even Chouji was impressed.

"Wow, look at her pack it in," Kankuro said from the table he was sharing with his siblings. "I don't think even that fat guy could eat that much." Shaking his head, he turned to his own meal.

"Muffins? Danishes? Fruit? Pop-Tarts?" Temari put her head in her hands. "Look at all that sugar... she shouldn't eat that much, she's already hyper enough..." Her head shot up. "Oh my God! I just realized her name sounds almost just like hyper! Haipa, hyper... is that some kind of super-freaky cosmic coincidence?!" Only Gaara was silent as he slowly ate the small amount of food he had selected.

_We were so right..._ Temari though wryly as she watched her youngest brother. _Polar opposites._

"Mind if I sit here?" Kiba asked as he pulled out a chair at the table Chi, Hai, and Hinata were sitting at.

"Do you mind sitting here?" Chi asked in reply with a wave of her hand at Hai.

"Anyway. I don't think we were really introduced earlier. I'm Kiba, and this is Akamaru," (bark!) "We're Hinata's teammates."

"Oh. I'm Chitomo, but you can call me Chi. I'm sure you have at least heard of Hai and her incredible strangeness."

"Yeah, we were talking about you girls last night and someone brought up the 'weird hyper pigtails girl'."

"Yeah, that's Hai in a nutshell." They were silent for a minute.

"So, Chi..." Kiba tried to think of something to talk about. "Uh... have any pets? Dogs?"

Chi shrugged. "I've got Hai, and a better dog there is not to be found. As long as you have a cookie, she will sit, roll over, play dead, shake, beg, speak, and any other whimsical idea you can think of."

Kiba raised his eyebrow. "Really?"

Pulling an Oreo out of her pocket (because what normal person doesn't carry Oreos in their pocket?), Chi smiled. "Try her."Kiba took the cookie and waved it in front of Hai, who stopped eating mid-bite and stared with wide eyes at the delicious sandwich of cookie and icing. "Uh... Roll over?"

"BARK!" Hai jumped on the floor and rolled over. Everyone stared at her. What was she up to now?

"Speak?"

"ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM!"

"...Riiight. Uh... good girl?" He tossed the cookie at Hai, who caught it in her mouth and smiled as she chewed.

"MMMM! C IS FOR COOKIE, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR HAI!"

"That was... interesting..." Tenten muttered. She was sitting at a table with Lee, Neji, Sakura, Ino, and Naruto.

Neji just shook his head. "What did I do wrong, God? Why am I here? Is this destiny? Why do you betray me, destiny?!"

Sakura laughed. "Is he always like this?" she asked Tenten, who nodded sadly.

"Is he dating Destiny?" a confused Ino asked. "Who is she? I havn't met her yet, have I?" And so Neji began explaining the concept of destiny to Ino as Sakura laughed more and Tenten contemplated how hard she could hit him in the head without causing more mental damage than was already done. Lee simply frowned at how happy Sakura looked with Neji.

"Tenten," Lee whispered, "I want to tell you something-" He was taken aback by the speed at which Tenten turned her head towards him. Quickly regaining his composure, he continued. "Last night has made me realize something of great importance to me..."

"Yeah...?" Tenten whispered back, her eyes growing wider with anticipation. Her heart beat faster and faster for what seemed like eternities to her. It was only seconds before Lee continued, but it lasted much longer than that...

"It made me realize..."

_ZOMG!! Is he going to say he likes me too?!?!?! EEEEEEEEE!!!_

"...What a great friend I have in you."

_...........EH?!?!?!?!?!?!_

Maybe he was imagining it, but he could have sworn he saw Tenten's expression droop from excitement to something along the lines of disappointment. Huh. Curious. It was probably just his imagination- what did she have to be excited for anyway? "And I was wondering, since you are such a good friend, if you could do me a favor..." Did she just perk up again?

_WHAT IS IT?! Oh, maybe he's going to ask me out...!_

"Could you, you know... put in a good word to Sakura about me?" There! He had seen it- her face just fell dramatically.

_...stupid people and stupid world, stupid Lee and his stupid crush on stupid Sakura..._ "Sure, Lee..." Tenten said halfheartedly. At least she could still be his friend... right?

"Oh, Tenten! Thank you so much! You are really and truely the best friend I have ever had!" The estascy Lee felt when Tenten agreed to help him out made him forget the weird behavior patterns she had been displaying.

Tenten sighed and looked away. If Lee kept chasing Sakura like this, he was going to hurt himself. It was obvious she had no interest in him other than as a friend. _How bitterly ironic,_ she thought. _I know exactly how you feel, Lee, and I can't do a thing about it because you are as much in love with Sakura as I am with you._ She surprised herself with that thought. Love? Yes... she had been in love with Lee for a long time, but had just realized it. Last night, yes, that was when the thought had started creeping into her brain. How surprising it had been to find it true- her hope that he liked her, the anticipation she had felt when he had to tell her something, the disappointment to find it was only to help him get together with Sakura. Tenten sighed again, lost in her thoughts.

Unbeknownst to either of them, the whole scene had been observed by a certain four-leaved Sand ninja...

"Hey, dorks."

Everyone turned in surprise to see Kakashi, Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai walk in with a group of other people none of them recognized. Each of them wore a Camp Funshine shirt, leading to the conclusion that these were the Funshine counselors.

"KAKASHI!" Naruto yelled. "What are you doing here?!"

"We've been here the whole time, retard," Kakashi said as he pulled up another chair at Naruto's table."We even got on the same bus as you. We've just been pretty much nonexistant because of poor writing and the authoress's lack of intellingence."

At her table, Hai looked up. "What is it, Hai?" Chi asked.

"For some reason, I feel like I wanna punch that old guy."

"Don't," Chi sighed as she continued eating.

"Hello, my youthful pupils!" Gai yelled as he pulled another chair over to the table. "How are you all on this youthful morning?"

"We are wonderfully youthful today, sensei!" Lee yelled with equal vigor. Neji, explaining to Ino for the third time that destiny was not a person, didn't even look up. And Tenten was too lost in her melancholy to reply.

"WHOA!" Hai yelled, jumping up from her table as Kurenai and Asuma sat down. "WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!"

Shikamaru, sitting with Chouji at a nearby table, sat up straight, woken from his sleep by Hai's loud voice. Realizing it was only Hai hyperreacting to something, he sighed and layed his head back down, muttering, "What a drag..."

"Hai, that's Kurenai and Asuma... we met them yesterday, along with Kakashi and Gai, remember?" Chi said, niblbling on a piece of toast. "And getting off topic.." she held the toast up for Hai to see.

The strange girl stared at it for a minute, then exclaimed quite loudly, "YEAH TOAST!"

She and Chi began singing, Hai's deep, soulful singing voice mixing with Chi's alto, melodious voice:

"ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY FROM COAST TO COAST...

PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY, WHAT DO YOU LIKE THE MOST?

I DON'T WANNA BRAG, I DON'T WANNA BOAST...

I ALWAYS TELL'EM, I LIKE TOAST!

YEAH TOAST!

WELL, I GET UP IN THE MORNING AT 6 AM

HAVE A LITTLE JELLY, HAVE A LITTLE JAM

TAKE A PIECE OF BREAD, PUT IT IN THE SLOT

PUSH DOWN THE LEVER AND THE WIRES GET HOT!

YEAH TOAST!

NOW THERE'S NO SECRET TO TOASTING PERFECTION

THERE'S A DIAL ON THE SIDE AND YOU MAKE YOUR SELECTION

PUSH TO THE DARK OR THE LIGHT AND THEN

IF IT POPS TO SOON, PRESS IT DOWN AGAIN AND MAKE TOAST!

YEAH TOAST!"

Laughing, the two sat down amid the blank and curious stares from their peers. "I love the toast song!" Hai cried, clutching her stomach, which was starting to hurt from the combination of too much food, and then laughter. Slowly their laughs faded away, and the only sound left was that of cricket chirps echoing throughout the mess hall.

"Seriously!" Chi said, breaking the silence. "What the hell is up with the crickets?! It's, like, not even seven yet!"

"Once again I say, bad writing," Kakashi muttered. And then he was very gently shocked by absolutely nothing. "What the hell?!" he cried, jumping up and shaking his slightly singed hand.

"That looks painful!" Hitomi chirped, appearing out of nowhere. "Off to the nurse with you!"

"That's me!" A rather large woman with tan skin and curly short brown hair stood up from the table that the Funshine counselors were sitting at. "I'm Naoru, and the camp clinic is in the main office... this way, now..." her voice, like Hitomi and Jama's, was an annoyingly high frequency, and no one could say their ears were sad when she led Kakashi away to the main office. After they had left, Hitomi stood on a raised platform at the front of the mess hall and clapped her hands.

"Alright campers! The daily schedules will be posted by the door over there every morning- check it out before you leave to determine your 'Today's Activities'. It is posted now, and you all recieved individual schedules, but I will read aloud anyway. From seven to eight am is Arts and Crafts with Jama in the Crafts Cabin. Seven to nine is Archery with Mori in the Target Field. Eight to nine is Xtreme Sports Soccer with Ebi and Nori. Nine-thirty to eleven is the Swim Test at the lake with all the counselors. One-thirty to three pm is Cooking here with Shinri. One-thirty to two-thirty is the Tower of Fear and Ropes Course in the High Ropes area with Kagiri. And Swimming is at the lake with all the counselors. You come there when you finish your afternoon activity." She clapped her hands again. "That is all! The next activities to start are Arts and Crafts and Archery in fifteen minutes. You are all dismissed! Oh, and Naoru is going to need an assistant for the Xtreme Sports Game..."

"OH! OH! PICK ME! HAI-CHAN WILL DO IT!"

"Um... Alright! Hai is the Nurse Assistant for today. Please report straight to the camp clinic so Naoru can give you some basic training..."

"SWEETNESS!"

"NOW you're all dismissed."

Everyone went back to their own cabins, save for Hai, who went to the camp clinic.

"People, just a heads-up," Chi announced when they returned. "If you're doing Xtreme Sports, DON'T GET HURT."

"Well, we already try to do that, but you know how competitive guys are. We'll probably get scratched and bruised, but that's part of the game." Sakura told her. Chi shook her head.

"No, I mean, don't get hurt at all, if Hai's the Nurse Assistant. Her mom's a nurse, and she inherited none of her hospital smarts. She's more like her dad- he couldn't find Motrin one day, all they had was ibuprofen."

The girls were silent for a minute. "Oh," Sakura said. "Well, I'm going to play and hope I don't get hurt."

"Hmm... I think I'll do Archery..." Tenten mused. Temari grinned wickedly.

"I thought you'd do Xtreme Sports because _he_ would be there," she said evily.

Tenten's head whipped around so fast she was surprised she didn't get whiplash. "W-who are you talking about, Temari?" _Oh, no.... don't tell me she found out..._

"You know... the guy you like...!" _Oh, hell..._

Trying to regain he composure, Tenten looked away, her nose in the air. "I have no idea what insanities you're babbling now, you moron."

Temari giggled (evily, of course). "I must've been pretty close to the mark to get her all riled like that," she said, quoting Han Solo. "C'mon, princess Ten-Leia, tell everyone who your Han is.

Ignoring the fact that Tenten's name could not be successfully merged into Princess Leia's, all the girls crowded around her, demanding his name.

"NO! She's lying! Leave me alone!" Tenten cried, putting her hands over her ears.

"Comeone, Tenten, you can tell me," Sakura said as she pat Tenten on her shoulder.

_I especially can't tell Sakura..._

Seeing a friend in need, Chi drew the subject away from Tenten's love life, or lack thereof (it wasn't that much fun when everyone knew. She'd find out from Temari later). "So, it looks like if we go to Arts and Crafts, we'll be able to hurry over to the Xtreme Sports, but not if we decide to do Archery. I think I'll brave the sports if some of you decide to, as well."

"Yeah, sports sound good." Ino said.

"I'd rather do arts and crafts..." Hinata said. "I'll come cheer you all on, though..."

"I'd love an excuse to kick my brothers' asses," Temari grinned.

"Well, since we're all going..." Sakura said.

That only left Tenten. "I have to pick between sports and archery..." she said uncertaintly. She was immediately assaulted by all the girls telling her to reconsider.

"Come on, you'd probably be the only one there."

"Don't you want to kick ass on the soccer field?"

"It'll be fun!"

"Step out of your comfort zone once in a while!

"Fine, fine, alright! I'll play the soccer game!" she conceded.

"Alright!" Chi clapped her hands, then a look of disgust crossed her face. "Oh man, it's not even been twenty-four hours and I'm already copying Hitomi's mannerisms... Anyway, so it looks like we can all go to Arts and Crafts-"

"No way! Is it not enough to agree to play the stupid soccer game? There is no way I'm going to Arts and Crafts."

"You know, I agree with her for once," Temari said. Ultimately, the ones that ended up going to Arts and Crafts were Hinata, Sakura, and Ino, and Chi decided to stay behind with Tenten and Temari, to be sure they didn't kill each other, as they are known to do from time to time.

"So, guys," she said when the others had left, "what are we going to do for an hour?"

"Kill Tenten."

"Kill Temari."

"Something that doesn't involve loss of blood, limbs, life, or property?" The other two shrugged. Chi sighed.

Off in the Camp Clinic, Hai was recieving some on-the-job training.

"Now, Hai, how do we treat a second-degree burn caused by an angry authoress?" Naoru asked as Kakashi stared at them worridly.

"PUNCH THE OLD GUY!" _POW!_

"NO! HAI, WE DO NOT PUNCH THE PAITIENT!" Naoru cried.

"Sorry, I just had a really strong urge to do that," Hai apologized.

"What the hell, I think she just broke my nose!"

"Oh, stop whining, old man!"

"Now, Hai,"" Naoru asked again, "How do we treat second-degree burns?"

Putting on some latex glove, the hyperactive girl cried, "Ice to the wound!"

"NO!" Naoru cried again. "Putting ice on it can result in skin damage!!"

"Apply grease or ointment!"

"NO!"

"Pop the blisters?"

"NO!"

"I give up!" She waited patiently while Naoru treated Kakashi's burn.

Naoru turned back to here assistant. "I guess we'll be fine if no one gets burned..."

Back in the cabin, Chi looked around. "I have the strangest feeling that Hai just screwed something up, somewhere."

Tenten turned to look at her. "Huh?"

"Nevermind."

"So what are we going to do for an hour?" Temari asked. Chi sighed.

_**While they think of something to do, we're going to have a word from our sponsers!**_

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"Oh, look at the time," Temari said. "It's been an hour."

"Time flies when you're having fun!" Chi said brightly.

"That really was the best game ever, Chi," Tenten said. "We'll definitely have to play again." On the way to t he soccer field, they passed Naruto, who was angrily jamming the buttons on a cell phone.

"PICK UP!" He yelled. "Why won't you answer, Ms. Efubeelevedis?!"

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Tenten asked.

The boy was on the verge of tears. "I wanna buy the Emo-B-Gon to use on Sasuke, so I called the 1-800-NOT-REAL number to speak with the lady who sells it. But she won't answer!"

Tenten sighed. "You're an idiot if you beleive that..."

He shook his head. "No, no, no it's Efubeelevedis, not Efubeelevedat."

Sighing, the three girls left Naruto, hoping he would go be stupid somewhere else and stay away from the soccer game. When they got there, most of the others had already arrived...

-----------------------------------------------

2020: Haha. Hello. The original plan was to make each day at Funshine one chapter, but that's just not going to work as well as I thought, so I cut it short.

Everything Hai kept insisting on doing to heal Kakashi's burn were all things you should NOT do to a burn (found on E How dot com).

The EverythingPencil is not mine, it belongs to my friends Ella and Elicia. Don't steal it, please.

KT Spray is mine. I made it up for a science project. Again, don't steal it.

Emo-B-Gon is something I just thought of on a whim... if you're going to steal something, steal that.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Leeten would totally be canon by now.

2020: Sorry it's taking so long- I have exams next week, which means lots of review homework, and Driver's Ed., which means 3 hours of sitting in a boring class surrounded by idiots...

_------------------------------------------------_

_**The Misadventures at Camp Funshine!!!**_

_Chapter 3: Spasticisism_

_Subtitle: Not On Speed_

When Chi, Temari, and Tenten arrived at the soccer field, everyone was already there, even Hai, attired in a nurse uniform.

"GOT THE SHOTS!" She yelled as she waved around a syringe.

"NOOO! HAI! PUT THE SYRINGE DOWN!" Naoru tried to frantically remove the hypodermic from the hyperactive girl.

"Like I said, try not to get hurt..." Chi said.

Ebi and Nori, the young, glamorous, sports-coaching couple, stood on the sidelines. Ebi, age twenty-one, was a friend of a friend of a friend of a frenemy of an uncle of Hitomi's, and his fiance, Nori, age twenty, knew Hitomi from a job they used to work together at Wendy Wonky's Candy Factorie. This information just happens to be completely irrelevent to anything happening right now.

"Come on, girls!" Nori called to the three. "The team captains are just about to pick teams!"

The captains in question turned out to be Neji (of Team Destiny) and Lee (of Team Youth). Temari groaned. "Oh my God... Destiny vs. Youth? They couldn't think of anything better?" Chi nodded in agreement.

Neji, winning the round of Rock Paper Scissors Spock, got to choose first. His white eyes scanned the assortment of players. An evil grin alight upon his face. "How about we make this game interesting, Lee?" He asked. "If your team wins, I'll do whatever you say for the rest of this hell called camp. But if my team wins, you do what I say."

Lee thought it over. This could be his one and only chance to convert Neji to the Way of Youth! Gai-sensei would be so proud! He could already imagine his teammate in Spandex, and a bowl cut. "It is a bet, Neji!"

Neji's smile lingered. "Excellent. I pick Sakura."

Lee's face fell. If Neji's team won, he could only imagine what sorts of horrors the Hyuuga could- and would- inflict upon him. But how was he supposed to defeat the girl he loved?

"CHEMICAL BATH READY!"

"HAI! PUT THOSE CHEMICALS DOWN!"

"Well, Lee?" Neji asked with a sadistic smile. "What are you going to do?"

"I pick... I pick..." Lee thought hard. He would have to pick teammates that would stop at nothing to win... someone who disliked Sakura would be all the better. "Ino!"

"Wait, will I have to play against this Destiny person?" She asked, confused.

"No, you will be playing against Sakura," Lee told her.

The airhead's eyes lit up. "Finally! I will win, billboard brow! I'll defeat you, Neji, and Destiny with my hand behind my back!" She and Sakura glared at each other.

"Sasuke," Neji said, still smiling. Ino gasped.

"NO! I CANNOT FIGHT MY BELOVED SASUKE!"

Lee frowned. Neji had planned this. Fine. He just needed someone that would fight Sasuke... "Naruto!"

"Kiba!"

"Chouji!"

"Shikamaru!"

"Chi!"

"Um, sorry, guys, but I've noticed that we have an odd number. I'm not particularly good at sports, so I'm just going to go over there and make sure Hai knows the difference between Tylenol and Nyquil..." She wandered over towards where Hai was sorting through the boxes of medical pills.

Lee frowned. "Alright then..." Temari would fight Shikamaru with everything she had! "Temari!"

Neji kept on smiling. "Tenten!"

Lee mentally kicked himself. How could he have forgotten Tenten?! She would always do anything to help him, and he should have realized it sooner, but now it was too late... wait, why did that sound so ironic?

"Last picked? I see how it is..." Kankuro muttered as he walked over to join Team Youth, which consisted of Lee, Ino, Naruto, Chouji, and Temari, and now him. Neji and Team Destiny- Sakura, Sasuke, Kiba, Shikamaru, and Tenten- looked much more well-organized and capable than their opponents.

"Chi, could you help us referee?" Ebi asked.

"Yeah, why not?"

The teams had ten minutes to strategize. That time span was also conveniently the right length for Naoru to explain to Hai that when it came to pill capsule doses, more was not always better.

Soon, both teams were positioned on the field and ready... and it began!

Neji was in control of the ball, until Lee managed to kick it away- at the expense of Neji's ankles. Frowning, Neji delivered a kick of his own to Lee's ankles. Needless to say, it all went downhill from there...

"God, Lee, do you ever take your weights off?" Tenten grunted as she dragged him towards the makeshift clinic on the sidelines. "You weigh more that a freaking sack of bricks." She had just happened to be the closest to the two when the fight broke out- it had quickly grown in proportion, from ankle kicks to aimed-for-the-kill ninjutsu and taijutsu. However, Tenten was used to this behavior from her teammates, and soon resolved it. She had then dragged Lee to the sidelines, right behind Ino and Sakura, who had a hold on Neji. "Yes, that's right, have two of you carry the one that weighs the least..." she muttered. "I'll carry the one that wears eight-ton weights myself..." _Nevermind the fact that he didn't even want me on his team..._

"Sit him there!" Hai called as she pointed to a bench. "We've got Blindy McWhiteeyes in the TemporarInfirmary," she gestured to the small tent, "and it's only big enough for me, Naoru, and one patient." She went back in the tent, her voice drifting back to Tenten and Lee- "I can handle this, Naoru, I've done this kind of thing before... hand me the peroxide and the rubbing alcohol."

The two sat on the bench in silence, listening to Neji's threats, pleading, and then agonized screaming, and Hai's cheerful voice saying, "don't be a wuss!".

"I guess it doesn't matter where we are. You and Neji will always fight," Tenten said, breaking their silence.

Lee shrugged. "He is my eternal rival." They were silent once again. _She is probably angry that I did not select her to be on my team..._ he thought. "Tenten..."

"Hmm? What is it, Lee?"

"I-...I am sorry."

"... It's alright."

There was more he needed to tell her... "Tenten, I-"

"OK! You there! Green Spandex Boy! Come on!" Hai waved to signal Lee inside as Neji, tears shining in the corners of his eyes, quietly walked towards where Ebi and Nori stood with the others, awaiting the recovery of the captains.

Forcing a smile, Tenten patted Lee's shoulder. "Good luck- from what I've heard about her medical skills, you'll need it."

When Lee was bandaged, Ebi and Nori decided to use the rest of the time to give everyone a lecture about 'safe sports playing'. Towards the end, Gaara appeared.

"Where were you at?" Chi said from her seat next to a spaced-out Hai on the bench.

"Archery." He said with a shrug.

Hai snapped to attention. "Oh! That would have been a good choice! Since everyone's here. That means that there would be almost no people at Archery! I would have liked that- I'm 98 percent misanthropic, you know."

"Actually, spaz freak, I don't think he knew that." Chi said. "I don't think anyone knew that. You don't exactly scream 'misanthrope', you know."

"MISANTHOPE!" Everyone stared at Hai, who grinned. "See, Neechama? I totally scream 'misanthrope'." Chi banged her head on the bench.

"Alright, everyone!" Nori said. "Thirty minutes until the Swim Test. Go change and be at the lake at nine-thirty! Dismissed!"

"Oh my fudgesnapper, guys, I learned so much as Nurse Assistant!" Hai bubbled as the girls made their way to their cabin.

"Like exactly how not to treat wounds?" Chi muttered.

"Well, we've got thirty minutes, so whatcha wanna do?" Temari asked.

"Become the forty-second Haikage with my Magic Hokage Staff of DOOOOOOOM and Pickles!"

_WHACK!_

"Ow... Neechama..."

"Let's get changed first, then we can figure out what we'll do," Sakura decided.

"Are any of you Destiny in disguise?" Ino asked.

Once they had all changed, everyone sat on her respective bed, staring out to the middle of the floor, at a loss of ideas for things to do.

Chi wore a yellow tankini, while Hai had a black one (she dubbed them, 'the bumblebee girls'), Temari wore a figure-flattering silver bikini, Ino a very revealing red-and-white 'skank-kini', Hinata in a very simple plain black-and-white one-piece, Sakura a pink floral-patterned bikini, and Tenten a slightly darker colored something-between-a-bikini-and-a-tankini.

A knock on the door caused them all to jump.

"Come in, it's not locked!" Chi called. The door opened and in came all the guys, also dressed in swimming apparel (fangirls, let your imagination run wild). "Hey, mind if we hang out here 'till it's time?" Kiba asked.

"Only if you give us Cheez-Its and Lifesavers," Hai demanded.

"Very nice," Kankuro remarked as he glanced around at the girls in their swimsuits. "I think I will have an excellent time at this camp, if there's swim time every day." All the girls shifted uncomfortably.

"Neji, I can't find Destiny!" Ino cried. "Is she a counselor?" Sighing, Neji sat down next to Ino on her bed to explain, for the eighty-seventh time, the Concept of Destiny.

The guys found places to sit on the empty beds- except Naruto (who sat very close to Sakura, to Hinata's dismay), Kiba (who sat next to Hinata, who barely noticed), and Kankuro (who tried to sit next to several of the girls, but each kicked him away, literally). And Gaara, who stood quietly in a corner.

"NO! ODD ONE OUT!" Hai yelled, pointing at Gaara, who stared at her uncertainly. "SIT!"

"Better do as she says," Chi told him. "She gets very strange about odd things like that."

"But... I don't want to sit anywhere..."

"TOO BAD! Sit there!" She pointed towards the end of her bed. "ALL SHALL SIT!"

_Oh, cute..._ Chi thought._ Hai's flirting, in her own bizzare Hai way... ZOMFG, WAIT A MINUTE! HAI'S FLIRTING?! WITH TEMARI'S BROTHER?! Oh, wait, I already knew that she liked him. Haha. Must tell Temari... this will make the Operation that much easier..._

"Now then!" Hai said loudly, once Gaara was sitting next to her, "we discuss the theory of marshmallow rock'n'roll!"

_Aaaand that's how we know that she's nervous, when she starts being strange in a completely different way than she's normally strange in._

"Umm... did she just say marshmallow rock'n'roll?" Kiba asked.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, probably," Temari answered from her bed.

"And none of you are even wierded out?!"

"Oh, no, we're used to it now..."

"And so now I'm thinking of the way that one movie ended, you know? With the BANG! and the WHOOSH! and things like that, yeah?" Hai said at lightspeed. "And all the people are like EH? even though you could totally tell it was going to happen and things and what is up with serving shelled peanuts in restaraunts? I mean, come on, stop being lazy and shell them for us!"

_And the more nervous or excited she gets, the faster she talks..._

"Is she ALWAYS like that?!" Naruto asked in surprise, for Hai was now talking too fast for any but Chi to understand.

"Depends on the circumstances," Chi said at the same time Temari, Tenten, Ino, Sakura, and Hinata said, "Yes."

"... And then she was like, 'can you see that scar?!' and I was like, 'no! can you see this scar?' and she goes, 'no!' and I'm like, 'that's because i don't have a scar there!' and she's all like, 'are you mocking me?!' and then we all laughed and stuff for like fifteen minutes and then my other friend gives me a late Christmas present, which was a biography of a gay serial killer..."

"Is she on speed or something?!" Kankuro said in an amazed voice.

"She could be and no one would know..." Chi replied. Suddenly, she reached out and grabbed Hai's pigtail, and pulled. HARD.

"OWOWOWOWOW...!" The spastic girl fell partway off her bed so that she was hanging, face-to-upside-down-face with Chi.

"Listen, superspaz, if you do not calm down, so help me Log, you will regret it," her sister threatened.

Hai gulped. "Yes, Neechama..." She pulled herself back up onto the bed, and sat back against the wall, determined to prove that she was calm. No way did she want to invoke the wrath of the Log.

Everyone laughed a little at the sight of the energized, hyper girl trying to sit calmly. Hai looked as if she was about to explode, a sharp contrast to Gaara's cool, bored expression. _Once more I say, polar opposites!_ Temari thought.

"OH!" Ino cried. "I understand now, Neji! Destiny's not your girlfriend!"

Neji threw his hand toward the ceiling. "Oh, thank God!"

"Destiny's a man, AKA your boyfriend, and you're homosexual!"

Neji's eyes widened as he looked at her. "Wha'? NO! BAD INO! Repeat after me! Destiny is not a person!"

Ino cocked her head to the side. "Destiny is not a person?"

"Neji is not a homo."

"Neji is not a homo."

He patted her head. "Good girl."

Ino patted his head. "Good girl... WAIT! You're a girl?!"

"NO! I AM A MALE! STOP COPYING ME!"

"Wait... you're not a girl? I always thought you were one of those half-female half-male people."

"WHAT?! I am 100 percent male, thank you very much."

"Wow, Ino-pig, you're so stupid," Sakura said, laughing.

"S-so, who is ready to take this swim test?" Lee asked loudly, avoiding Tenten's eyes. For no reason at all, he had gotten a wierd feeling whenever he looked her in the eyes recently... in her beautiful brown eyes...

"Of course I'm ready," Kiba said, trying to get Hinata's attention. "Have you ever seen a dog that couldn't swim?"

"Um, yes?" Chi contradicted. "My great-aunt's third-cousin's son's daughter's niece's boyfriend has a retarded dog who can't swim. And my neighbor's dog can't swim. And my first grade teacher had a dog who couldn't swim. And the librarian-"

"OK! Fine!" Kiba interrupted. "I get the point."

"You know, if we were all turned into dogs, I wonder what kind we'd be?" Naruto wondered aloud.

"Hai would for sure be a cocker spaniel or something... her pigtails look like fluffy, floppy dog ears." Chi pointed out.

"For some reason, I see you as a type of border collie or something," Temari said.

"Tenten strikes me as a Pomeranian," Sakura said as she evaluated her brown-haired friend.

"This is really random..." Hinata said quietly.

Hai seemed ready to burst at the seams for want to speak. "The chair recognizes Hai," Chi said, looking up at her sister's bed.

"FINALLY!" She yelled loudly, causing Gaara (who had gotten used to her silence) to jump slightly. "Um..." She paused. "I forgot what I was going to say... darn! And I'll bet it was important, too!"

"I seriously doubt that, Hai," Chi said, focusing on a bird sitting on a branch outside the window.

Sasuke followed her gaze. "Are you staring at that bird?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I like birds."

"Hmm... that's nice..."

Soon, it was time for everyone to take the Swim Test. Taking their towels down to the lake and setting them down on a bench by the dock, they proceeded to the end of said dock, where all the camp counselors stood (along with the senseis).

"Hello, campers, I'm Mizurin, the Synchro-Swim counselor," a woman wearing a swim cap and goggles said. "And no, I did not say 'sink-or-swim'. Synchro-Swim is how we abbreviate Synchronized Swim." She paused. "Come on, people! Wasn't even just a little funny?" The sound of crickets was audible through the silence. Mizurin sighed. "Whatever. Well, you're all going to take the Camp Funshine Swim Test. See the blue buoy out there? You butterfly-stroke out to there, then on your way back, either freestyle or backstroke. And by some strange grading scale or the other, we'll grade you. Three people can go at a time. Who's first?"

And because it simply be too repetitive to tell you in detail about all their swimming-ness, I will skip to the end.

---------FAST FORWARD!

"...Yeah, you all pass." Mizurin said after the last group had swam. "Um. Yeah. So. That's all."

"Don't we get, like, some form of swim band to tell you that we're allowed to swim?" Sakura asked.

"Uh, no? If you all pass, we don't need to differentiate," she replied in the 'duh' voice.

"She's not like all the other counselors... Neji, is she Destiny?" Ino asked.

Mizurin looked around to make sure all the other counselors had left. "Acually, people, I'm not like them... I'm nineteen, and I need community service hours for my Beta Club. I didn't want to, but there were already, like, twenty people volunteering at the animal shelter."

"Riiiight..." Chi muttered.

"Well, see ya," she said as she walked away.

"Now we have a whole hour before lunch..." Hai moaned. "I'm hungry now..."

"Didn't you bring snack-type food?" Chi asked her.

The Hai-peractive girl perked up. "Oh yeah! I'm gonna go back, then, and have a snack, see ya later crocogators!" She called as she ran towards the cabin. Literally two seconds later, she was back with a Fuit By The Foot... well, six of them. Two more were crammed in her mouth. "Anyone want any?" She asked as she swallowed. "WHOOOOOOO!"

"Are you positive she's not on speed?" Temari whispered to Chi.

Chi grinned. "Yep. I'm also positive that she has a crush on your brother..."

Temari's heaad whipped around to look at Hai with disbelief, then at Kankuro.

"No!" Chi corrected. "Not that brother..."

The older girl looked from Hai to Gaara. "Well, that does make the Operation easier..."

They both grinned. "Phase One will initiate at lunchtime, then?" Chi asked.

"Oh yes."

-----------------------------------------------

2020: I'm sooooooooooooooooo sorry I havn't been updating... we're having exams at my school, AND I have Driver's Ed., so it's like, double whammy!

The stuff Hai says in the cabin, the story about hand cuts and the book with the gay serial killer, is the recollection of an actual event that happened to me the other day...

Hey, Whitney... can you see this cut?!


End file.
